


The One

by LittleMissCactus



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Fix-It, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Suicide, i like to think it did :)), it theoretically could have happened, religious trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27717179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMissCactus/pseuds/LittleMissCactus
Summary: Maedhros jumped. He never imagined that he would be caught.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39





	The One

The last thing that Maedhros heard was Maglor crying out to him as he fell into the fiery abyss. He wasn't really sure what he was expecting. Pain, certainly, and then the call of Mandos. Whether he would answer or not was another question altogether. But he never touched the flames. He saw his body fall become engulfed, but Maedhros himself was perfectly still, as if hanging in midair.

Just like Angband, he thought to himself.

But this time, he felt no pain. He realized that his eyes had squeezed themselves shut, and he reluctantly opened them again. He was no longer beneath the earth. He was wrapped in a blanket of light, but all he could see around himself was darkness. He wasn't sure how long he stayed there for. Hours, months, years. Time did not exist in that realm, but he didn't mind. He could finally rest...

He suddenly felt a presence behind him, and he whirled around, but no one was there. A warm breeze caressed his face and a voice echoed around him, impossible to place or describe, not gendered but not androgenous, and undoubtedly kind.

"Maitimo. You have taken care of others for so long. Let yourself take care of yourself now."

Maedhros's blood ran cold. "I know not who you are or how you know my name, but if you wanted to safe me, it is too late. I've jumped."

He felt the presence smile, even if he still saw nothing. "I am that I am. But who are you, Maitimo?"

"I am nothing now. I will go to Mandos and suffer the burden of the oath with my brothers until Maglor joins us."

"No. You are still my dear Maitimo, and I have never stopped loving you."

Maedhros's breath caught in his throat and hot tears pricked at his eyes. "Who are you? Why do you speak to me like this? Do... do you know who I am? What I've done?! Why should I deserve love from anyone?" He didn't meant to say so much, but Maedhros spoke as if his voice had a mind of its own.

"You are the same sweet Nelyo who used to weave flowers into crowns in Valinor. The same brave Maedhros who endured the torments of Angband. The same cherished Maitimo who I told Manwë to aid. You have done terrible things, yes, but you are no less worthy of love now than you were as an innocent child."

Tears flowed freely from Maedhros's eyes now and he pulled the blanket tighter around himself. "Ilúvatar..." he breathed, and recoiled from the voice in terror.

"Why are you afraid?" the voice asked, as gentle as ever.

"You above anyone else should hate me." Maedhros hated how pathetic he sounded, but he couldn't stop now. "I... I've ruined so much. The Valar all hate me, why don't you?"

The voice paused for a moment, allowing the question to hang in the air before answering. "Does a hen hate her chicks, even if they peck at her and cause her pain?"

Maedhros laughed despite himself at the mental image. "Well, I suppose not. But... that isn't the same."

"No. But if you could see everything that I can, you would understand how loved you are. I love all of my creations."

"What about Morgoth?" Maedhros asked before he could stop himself, clapping a hand over his mouth. "Forgive me, that was impertinent."

"No, it is a fair question. Yes, I love Melkor, even if he above anyone else has caused me pain. But as much as I love him, I do not think any less of you for hating him. He has caused you great suffering, and it is reasonable for you to fear him. He hurt you almost as much as you hurt yourself."

Maedhros flinched and opened his mouth to respond, but no sound came out.

"Why have you brought me here?"

"You deserve to know that you are loved, regardless of what the Valar may think of you. You are important and cherished and nothing you can ever do will change that. But you also have a decision to make."

Maedhros frowned. "Another one? I thought I would be finished with decisions by now."

"Maitimo, I am giving you a chance to revoke the Oath."

Maedhros jolted and his mouth fell open. "But- how?!"

"None of you knew what you would be getting yourselves into. You have already endured so much suffering. It would be cruel to subject you to the Void for what you never could have known to be so terrible."

"But... what of my brothers? What of Atya?"

"Your brothers have been given the same decision, and they all said that they would wait to see what you would decide. Your father..." The voice trailed off. "He is not in a position to be able to make a decision like that yet. His fëa was shattered after his death and has still not fully recovered."

"Oh." Maedhros swallowed thickly. "And... and Maglor?"

A laugh rang through the air. "Macalaurë is being smuggled to Valinor alongside a Dwarf by a certain Silvan Elf princeling. You have been here for a long time, Maitimo."

"To Valinor?! And you allowed this?!"

"It is not just for your sakes that I am doing this. Do you know that Elrond has cried out to me every night to spare you and Macalaurë?"

"Elrond..." Maedhros pulled his knees to his chest. "What... what of Elros? Is he...?"

"Elros is safe and well. He knows of my decision and is glad of it. But... you should know that he chose the fate of mortal Men."

A sob escaped Maedhros's throat, but he quickly moved to wipe his tears on his arm. "But... he is happy? With you?"

Ilúvatar smiled kindly. "That he is. You need not worry about him, but it is alright to grieve."

Maedhros nodded and allowed himself to weep quietly into his arms, shivering when he felt a warm embrace hold him. Eventually, he looked up and bit down on his lip.  
"If... if I nullify the Oath, everything my brothers and I have done will have been in vain. We will not have a reason for having acted like... like..."

"It will have been in vain anyways, because you did not fulfill the Oath."

Maedhros looked away. "Maglor was right, then." He sighed. "What would you have me do?"

"I would have you live and make reparations, rather than punish you mindlessly."

Maedhros drew in a deep breath. "And, if I choose to make the Oath void, my brothers will be spared?"

"They said that they would choose the same fate as you."

Maedhros nodded. "Then... I suppose I have no choice. I have to save my family. But... the Valar..."

The gentle embraced returned, and this time, Maedhros returned it as best he could.

"I will tell Manwë that it is my will. All will be well."

The voice began to fade away along with the blanket, and Maedhros felt the call of Mandos pull him in. He took a deep breath, then surrendered to it.


End file.
